An hour on the trails at Lost River Cave

The crowd I've been hanging with

On risk-taking

I have been thinking a lot lately about risks. This is related to the very uncertain situation in which I find myself. In a nutshell, it is this: I am in the United States without a plane ticket to Morocco, and my husband is in Morocco without a plane ticket to the United States. He could buy a one-way ticket and bring all of our stuff with him to the U.S., but if he doesn't get a job offer, he'll have to buy two more one-way tickets, and we'll have to move all of our stuff back to Morocco. He could buy a two-way ticket and come here without our stuff, but then if he gets a job offer, he'll have to go back to Morocco, get our stuff, and then come back here and then move to our new (but still hypothetical) home.

Anything we do at this point involves risk, and we are not big risk-takers. The last big risk we took (and I'm still amazed we were ever able to make the decision to do this) was over two years ago when I quit my job without either of us having a job lined up. Soon after, T was offered the position in Morocco, and things turned out okay. But we were different then, and the economy was different then. I want to think that he could buy a one-way ticket and pack up our belongings and come here--now. That's what I want because I miss him terribly and because I'm ready to move on from Morocco. The universe doesn't owe us anything, though, and there's no reason to assume that one or both of us could find gainful employment here. If we stay in Morocco, we have an income, but I will stop making progress toward my new career. If we come here, we might not have an income, and T would stop making progress in his career.

It makes me think a lot about this poem. Choosing a path is always a risk, but we must choose nevertheless.

Pictures without words

...Because I don't have time, and because my voice-to-text program seems to have quit working.

Dad at Arrow Rock State Historic Site, Missouri

Japanese Garden at Missouri Botanical Gardens in St. Louis

Part of the Lantern Festival at the Missouri Botanical Gardens

Birds inside the "Climatron" at the Missouri Botanical Gardens

Pineapples in the Climatron

More birds...I like birds...

Corpse flower

Greenhouse from the 1800s (somewhat remodeled, I'm assuming)

Hummingbird at Harmonie State Park, Indiana

Turtle at at Harmonie State Park, Indiana

Recent finds at the Bowling Green Farmers' Market

With several classmates after our tour of Mammoth Cave

Mammoth Cave photos are courtesy of my classmate Eve...

 

Ranger Rick...seriously!

On celebrating the Fourth of July in America

There are a lot of things I've wanted to write about over the last week and a half, but time is really getting away from me. So I guess I'll just start with the present: the Fourth of July, Independence Day in the United States of America.

The day isn't over yet, but my celebration of it is. And today I had the most traditional celebration that I can remember for years. It involved hot dogs and hamburgers and chips and potato salad and pie as well as people wearing red, white, and blue.

I celebrated the day with several members of my "cohort" here in Kentucky. It was quite different from my slightly ironic Fourth of July celebration last year, when I went out for hamburgers in Ifrane with a group of fellow Americans (although I didn't have a hamburger, of course).

We were all expatriates there. Here, I don't know what I am. I am trying to move back to the United States, but it's more because I want to find out whether or not I still want to live here than because I know I want to live here.

I'm lucky to have a friendly and inclusive group of classmates, but the truth is that I often feel left out, or out of place with them. I am experiencing more disorientation and culture shock than I thought could be possible after only two years of living overseas.

I am experiencing this at every level. Grocery shopping takes me forever. I'm shocked by the lack of pedestrians or bicyclists in this town (and I don't think it's just because the temperature has been in the 100s [Fahrenheit] over the last few days). I'm irritated by the number of rules related to safety (today the pool in my hotel is closed because the pH is off). I'm saddened by the ridiculous political divisions. I'm angered by the unnecessary costs of healthcare. I'm disgusted by all the unhealthy food. I'm bored by conversations about smelly armpits and leg hair. I don't know what this Magic Mike movie is, and I don't know when "frozen yogurt" became "fro yo.” I don't know when everyone in the country got a smart phone and a GPS and stopped being able to read maps.

I’m left now with a lot of open-ended questions and very little time to reflect on them (which is another disorienting aspect of being here). So: situation normal.

Happy Independence Day, everyone. May you be free to discover and celebrate your own definition of freedom.