Pictures without words

...Because I don't have time, and because my voice-to-text program seems to have quit working.

Dad at Arrow Rock State Historic Site, Missouri

Japanese Garden at Missouri Botanical Gardens in St. Louis

Part of the Lantern Festival at the Missouri Botanical Gardens

Birds inside the "Climatron" at the Missouri Botanical Gardens

Pineapples in the Climatron

More birds...I like birds...

Corpse flower

Greenhouse from the 1800s (somewhat remodeled, I'm assuming)

Hummingbird at Harmonie State Park, Indiana

Turtle at at Harmonie State Park, Indiana

Recent finds at the Bowling Green Farmers' Market

With several classmates after our tour of Mammoth Cave

Mammoth Cave photos are courtesy of my classmate Eve...

 

Ranger Rick...seriously!

On car breakdowns, father/daughter relationships, and being in Kentucky

There are a lot of things I didn't do that I should have done while I was in Nebraska. One thing I did, though, was spent time with my parents and with some of my friends. I only had one full day with my mom, and we spent that day doing things we don't normally do – like getting pedicures and shopping at the mall.

I didn't get nearly enough time with my mom, but I had a lot of time with my dad. In fact, weeks ago, we planned a camping road trip to get me from Nebraska to Bowling Green, Kentucky. (I'm here for five weeks doing a clinical internship as part of my Master's work in speech-language pathology.)

This was the plan: we would take my dad's truck and his new camper, and we would luxuriously spread out the approximately 16 hours of driving over a period of four days, arriving in Bowling Green on Saturday night or on Sunday morning, with plenty of time to get me settled before Monday morning (today).

As I've written before, though, planning is best thought of as a hobby than anything else. It isn't to be taken too seriously. Just about two hours out on our adventure, not far from Hamburg, Iowa, the engine of my dad's truck suddenly and quite seriously overheated. We got the truck and camper to the auto repair shop in Hamburg (the business name is "Risky Business"). Not long after that, it was clear that the truck wasn't gonna go anywhere unless it was pulled by a tow truck.

I have a tendency – or, at least, I used to have a tendency – to freak out in situations like that. Maybe it was the element of surprise (as my dad said, the truck was the one thing he wasn't worried about), maybe it was the stabilizing presence of my father, or maybe it was just the result of enough years of experience with things not going as planned, but I felt pretty calm at the same time that I genuinely had no idea how I was going to get to Kentucky.

We had the camper set up in Hamburg, but we decided that wouldn't be a very exciting camping location, and staying there wasn't going to get us any closer to Kentucky, so we had somebody tow the truck and take us back to my parents' house. It was sort of like starting over on a video game but with a pretty severe penalty (specifically, we now had no vehicle to get us to Kentucky and no obvious way to go camping).

I offered to try to buy a last-minute plane ticket, but my father, who had worked hard all week in preparation for his vacation, persevered with his dream. He promptly rented a van, and we loaded up all the supplies we could think of for car/tent camping.

I might write later about the actual camping, but the places we went to and the sights that we saw were really secondary to the experience for me. The truly unique part of the trip was having all of that time with my father. I felt that a camping trip of a father and his 33-year-old daughter was something unusual.

I'm writing about this on my blog because one of the things I feel I have gained during my time overseas is a deeper appreciation for and connection to my family, especially my parents. We talk about almost everything in my family, and while at times this can feel like an invasion of privacy, ultimately I am thankful for the closeness and openness we have with each other.

I'm also amazed by my father's dedication to the three women in his life. I realized after we got to Bowling Green that he has always been there when my sister and I have gone off to school (and in case you're wondering, between the two of us, we have now moved to a total of five different schools in five different states).

My dad was pretty exhausted by the time we got here on Saturday, so he stuck around on Saturday and Sunday nights and of course continue to help me by driving me around town to get groceries and other supplies. He was still here when I left this morning for my first day of "boot camp," and when I came back to my room late this afternoon, it felt suddenly very quiet and very empty.

It was at four o'clock this afternoon that it finally hit me: I'm in Bowling Green, Kentucky for the next five weeks. It's a place I've never been to before, and I'm here to learn something entirely new and difficult. I don't have a car and am dependent on people I just met for transportation. My husband is on another continent, and I don't know exactly when or where I'll see him next.

It's one of those experiences I'm sure you've had before, where a big, "future" event (at least, for a long, long time, you thought of it as "future") crashes suddenly and jarringly into the present. This happened on my wedding day (in a good way) and on the day I left for Morocco (in a, well, somewhat anxiety-provoking way).

So here I am--by myself for an extended period of time for the first time in my adult life. Wish me luck.

Local wonders

In 2002, my mom and dad gave me a book. Inside the front cover, my dad wrote:

If you can 'bloom where you are planted,' then even Butler County Nebraska can be a wonder.

May you always love yourself, appreciate what you have, and grow where you are planted.

This was the year that I got married, moved farther away from home than I had ever lived (to New Orleans), and began graduate school in English. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the year that would begin the wanderings that eventually brought me to Ifrane, Morocco. At the time, although I was an adult, my feelings towards the place where I had grown up could be described as "ambivalent" at best. I grew up in a rural part of Nebraska known by locals as "the Bohemian Alps," and Butler County – location of the tiny village that I lived in from the time I was five until I left for college – was largely settled by Czech immigrants. My own lack of Czech heritage was just one of many ways in which I never quite fit into the community. I thought Butler County and the surrounding "Alps" lacked texture – whether of the cultural or geographical kind. When I left for New Orleans, I was sad in the general way in which one is sad when one moves away from friends and family, but I didn't have much of a sense of connection to place.

Therefore, when, in 2002, my parents gave me a book called Local Wonders: Seasons in the Bohemian Alps by local Ted Kooser (U.S. poet laureate at the time, as I remember my father proudly telling me), I politely accepted the book and then proceeded to drag it around the world with me for the next 10 years. But I didn't once open the cover.

Whether it was out of a sense of duty or because of a vague feeling that it was symbolic or poetic or meaningful somehow, I dragged the book all the way to Morocco with me. And it was only recently – just a few weeks ago – that I finally picked up the book and read it.

It wasn't what I thought it would be. It's essentially a published collection of short, reflective journal entries Ted Kooser wrote, but they are inspired by and centered around his land, his neighbors, and the culture of Seward County (Butler County's slightly more German next-door neighbor).

Maybe the book was just waiting for the right time to be read. I almost expected to recognize some of the people he wrote about (the community is that small), and while that didn't happen, I did find myself smiling at some of the things he wrote. For example:

People [in Seward County] don't lock the doors to their houses, and the only reason they lock their cars is, in August, to keep neighbors from putting zucchini in the backseat.

Reading the book didn't really change how I felt about Butler County. As an adult, I am much more tolerant and understanding of my parents' love for the place at the same time that I have trouble thinking of it as anything other than a childhood shoe my feet have long been too big to fit into. I admire the ability that Kooser and my parents have, to settle in like trees where they were planted, to slowly extend roots and branches, not afraid of being dug up or blown away by wind, not desiring a change of scenery.

I feel much more like a dandelion seed, and for me "growing where I am planted" means something very different from what it means for my parents. There is no deliberate and permanent planting, but rather I am frequently lifted, blown from one place to another. If I land, I will prepare to put down roots, but I also recognize that the wind may carry me up again before I can do so.

This is how I have come to understand my father's note in the front of the book he gave me. He is a tree, and I'm a dandelion seed. Someday, though, the wind will put me down in a place, and I will be there long enough to put down a small root. It won't be as long or deep or permanent as the roots my parents have put down, but I will try to grow where I am planted, and wherever that place might be, I will try to look at it and its people with an appreciative eye and a full heart.

Another holiday season away from home

A few days ago, my uncle Jim sent me a link to this song by Tim Minchin. He's a comedian, but I found my eyes misting a little as I listened to the song about the role of family in making Christmas time special (for theists and atheists alike).

This morning, I was shocked upon realizing that it was time to flip my calendar to December.

Christmas is going to be here before I know it, and this year will mark my third Christmas without family and my second Christmas in a foreign country.

Out of a somewhat unhealthy desire to dwell on my growing melancholy, I went back through my photographs to look at pictures of previous family Christmases. Our last Christmas with my family was in 2008. (It also turned out to be our last Christmas at the house in which my sister and I grew up.) Our last Christmas with T's family was in 2007. Even then, it wasn't a gathering of the whole family – T's brother wasn't there.

I love Christmas. It is, hands down, my favorite holiday. And yet this year, I find myself dreading its approach. I know I should set up our little Christmas tree and try to devise some decorations for it. I know I should try to plan some kind of Christmas brunch or dinner for the small number of friends and acquaintances who will be in Ifrane that day. But I'm unmotivated to do those things because the truth is that I just want to be with family on Christmas this year.

Because I know that's not possible, I find my thoughts jumping all the way to Christmas 2012. Where will I be then? I try to comfort myself with the thought that surely next year we will find a way to be with some family members for Christmas. Realistically, though, I have no idea if that will happen. I will still be a student at that time and won't be contributing much to our household income. I have to go to Kentucky for a month this coming summer as part of my schoolwork, so it's not likely that I'll be able to justify another return to the United States a few months later. We also have family members in New Zealand, but…have you ever looked to see how far away New Zealand is??

My best coping strategy would probably be to move forward in planning a Moroccan Christmas, to make plans to Skype with family members on that day, and to try to develop a sense of solidarity with other people all over the world who spend holidays away from their families for a variety of reasons.

Happy holidays, everyone. Try to enjoy the place where you are and the people you're with.

From Nebraska

I haven't yet written about what T and I "did" for five weeks in Nebraska. That's mostly because we didn't do much that would be "blog worthy" or of general interest. But in case you're still wondering...

We "borrowed" our Senegal parrot, Mango, from the Nebraska Parrot Rescue. She remembered us immediately, and we had a great time with her.

 

This little dude, on the other hand, didn't seem to remember us at all. Sigh.