A downside

One of the upsides to international living is that one gets to meet many people who are from and/or have lived in different places all over the world. A downside is that those people, some of whom become one's friends, often leave to go back to those other places.

There is an inherent transience to this lifestyle that I was warned about but that I didn't dedicate much time to thinking about – there were just so many other "more important" things for me to consider before and after moving here. I became more aware of it after we moved here and found it difficult to make friends with the more established members of the University community. The fact is, many people who have been here for several years don't bother to get to know the new people because we are all just coming in and out of a revolving door. Why invest emotional energy and time into establishing a relationship with someone who's just going to leave after a few months?

The flip side to that viewpoint is that, because so many of us are new to this place, relationships can be established somewhat easier and more quickly than in other settings. It's almost like college all over again, and I love that sense of being in a community in which it's okay to rely on each other, to borrow popcorn or rice, and to drop by each others homes unannounced.

Nevertheless, I have to learn to cope with my friends leaving. As I gave LW a big hug yesterday (she and her family are returning to Connecticut today), I realized that I'm used to being the one who leaves! I have always thought it's easier to be the "leaver" than to be the one who is left behind, and now I know that's true. LW and her family have become such an integral part of my life here that their sudden absence is almost tangible. (Now I have to do yoga by myself in the mornings. Who will I get coffee with? Who will we watch Modern Family episodes with? Whose garden will we hang out in now? Who will help me decide what to cook with all the random vegetables in my refrigerator?) And the Ws have reminded me that, as long as I stay with this mobile lifestyle, I will keep having to say good-bye over and over again.