What the birds know

At lower altitudes, blooming cherry trees and bright green fields are obvious signs that spring has arrived. In Ifrane, temperatures haven't noticeably changed since February, and the ground and trees remain an expectant brown.

a patient stork

But the birds know that spring has come. In the last week or so, their songs have changed to something more boisterous. The storks--some of whom chose to remain in Ifrane for the comparatively long, cold winter, standing stoically on windy rooftops--are busy repairing and expanding their nests. They spend a remarkable amount of time selecting the right sticks, presenting them to their mates, and positioning them just so in their nests.

The egrets have returned, and in the evenings they huddle, carefully spaced apart from each other, in the leafless trees by the little lake in the center of town. The lesser kestrels have arrived after a winter away, too, and their unexpectedly doll-like peeping calls can be heard throughout town. Starlings flit about in groups, singing in a way that I can't help but think of as playful.

And even though I know it's anthropomorphizing, I also read hopefulness into all of it. This, the birds remind me, is the time of opening, of awakening, of tender growth and fast change. On a cool morning when the bright sun shines warm on my face, and I see the patient storks putting their lives back together slowly, one thin stick at a time, my heart feels full with possibility. Like their nests, my home, my life, is repeatedly undone. But what can I do? That is the nature of life. I can only, after a winter of undoing, awaken in the spring, pick up a stick, and place it carefully. Then do it again. And again. Admire the work, but don't get attached. Keep building. This must be what the storks do. This is what I will try to do. This is what we all must do.

Morocco and me

Lately, the absence of my friend LW, my chronic "unwellness," the difficulty of completing a U.S.-centered graduate program while living overseas, and the uncertainty about where I'll be in five months have all gotten me thinking again, rather intensely and frequently, about the idea of loving a country. The cold weather and my health have prevented me from spending much time outdoors, and I find that, without interesting trips and time spent sitting at cafés in the sun drinking mint tea with friends, I like Morocco a lot less.

I've been wondering, too, how many people love or like or are even content with the place where they live. It may not be apparent from my blog, but in my adult life, I have tried to approach each place I've lived with a general attitude of openness and appreciation. I have tried to make each place my home, even when I knew I wouldn't be spending much time there. But if I am completely honest, I must say: I have utterly failed to make Morocco my home.

I haven't explored enough of the country. I haven't taken advantage of its proximity to Europe. I haven't learned the language, and as much as I like to declare that this is evidence of my general dimwitted-ness, it's really evidence of my failure to integrate, to settle down. I haven't made Moroccan friends. I haven't learned enough about Islam. I haven't even asked the University imam to give me a tour of the mosque on campus, and it's the only mosque in the country that I, as a non-Muslim, can visit.

Where do I go from here? I'm not sure. I know that lots of people live in places where they don't feel at home. What do they do? I want to turn from bitterness and get up each morning with the intention of trying to live here. I will renew that intention every day, to the extent possible. That's all I can think of to do.

My first movie

Please to enjoy (but don't judge).