Morocco and me

Lately, the absence of my friend LW, my chronic "unwellness," the difficulty of completing a U.S.-centered graduate program while living overseas, and the uncertainty about where I'll be in five months have all gotten me thinking again, rather intensely and frequently, about the idea of loving a country. The cold weather and my health have prevented me from spending much time outdoors, and I find that, without interesting trips and time spent sitting at cafés in the sun drinking mint tea with friends, I like Morocco a lot less.

I've been wondering, too, how many people love or like or are even content with the place where they live. It may not be apparent from my blog, but in my adult life, I have tried to approach each place I've lived with a general attitude of openness and appreciation. I have tried to make each place my home, even when I knew I wouldn't be spending much time there. But if I am completely honest, I must say: I have utterly failed to make Morocco my home.

I haven't explored enough of the country. I haven't taken advantage of its proximity to Europe. I haven't learned the language, and as much as I like to declare that this is evidence of my general dimwitted-ness, it's really evidence of my failure to integrate, to settle down. I haven't made Moroccan friends. I haven't learned enough about Islam. I haven't even asked the University imam to give me a tour of the mosque on campus, and it's the only mosque in the country that I, as a non-Muslim, can visit.

Where do I go from here? I'm not sure. I know that lots of people live in places where they don't feel at home. What do they do? I want to turn from bitterness and get up each morning with the intention of trying to live here. I will renew that intention every day, to the extent possible. That's all I can think of to do.

My first movie

Please to enjoy (but don't judge).

Happy to have a cold

I never thought I would be happy or relieved to have a cold. Despite the fact that colds affect me with some frequency, I tend to be a big, whiny baby every time I get one. But given the other ailments that have plagued or could be plaguing me, I'm finding a strange comfort in having a gold ol' cold right now. I have a warm apartment, lots of soup recipes, and plenty of herbal teas and ginger. So bring it on, cold. Bring it on.