This morning – despite the fact that, for the past year and a half, I have asserted that I did not want to – I returned to teaching.
Well, sort of. I just started a part-time job teaching English to Ifrane government administrators two mornings a week. I knew soon after this semester began that I was going to need to get a job to give me something to do besides schoolwork, but I wasn't dedicated enough to the idea to aggressively seek a job. This job came to me and was so close to perfect – except for being a teaching job – that I felt I had to take it.
After the first day, I can already tell it will be interesting, and I think I will learn a lot from doing it. Because much of my experience here has been mediated by an American-style university, this teaching job is in some ways my first experience with a Moroccan institution. I have to go to the Ifrane province building to teach, and I walk past several guards on my way. The guards salute one of my students; he's that important.
It didn't take long for me to remember what I loved about teaching and what I hated about it. I enjoy the challenge of trying to decide what to teach and how to teach it. I enjoy interacting with other people in a structured way. I enjoy helping people learn. But one thing I hate about teaching is that, at the same time that it helps me recognize some of my strengths, it also makes me painfully aware of some of my weaknesses. It's hard for me to think of another situation (except, perhaps, lying on a doctor's examination table) in which I feel more vulnerable.
Sometimes I feel incompetent as a student, but to be honest, that isn't often. Being on the student side of the classroom (whether real or virtual) feels pretty natural to me. I feel like I know how to be a student. But being on the teacher side – even though I did it for years – feels strange. I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing, or how I should be doing it.
I guess I'd better get used to that feeling.
JABS,
ReplyDeleteThat piece of information makes my day. Seriously. I am WONDERFULLY happy that you got this opportunity!!!
I can't quite figure out why teaching makes you feel exposed (?). Maybe it is because of the nature of the subject matter. I'm guessing that teaching a language necessitates opening yourself up emotionally to a certain extent, to your students. Before I go any further - am I on the right track?
OK - comment #2.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, I feel as if I never quite learned how to be a student. I feel much more confident as a teacher than as a student. Strange, isn't it?
Interesting, Citrine! Regarding your first comment, I think it's more a personality thing. I'm almost positive I would feel just as exposed and vulnerable teaching cooking, or math, or sky diving, or anthropology, or whatever...
ReplyDeleteI, too, always felt exposed, JABS. I think that's part of the joy of teaching, that it helps us empathize with our students in that none of us knows everything about the subject: we're all on a journey together. I learned to embrace that aspect of teaching. Setting up and tearing down laboratory class, now, that was something I never did embrace. On one hand, the institution recognized that the laboratory provided the opportunity for rich, active learning, and on the other hand, it paid half the rate for laboratory as it did for lecture. [sigh!]
ReplyDeleteThere's a good bit of research on this feeling exposed, and I definitely feel the same way. I did a very interesting qualitative study of a teacher's vulnerability in 8th grade math. If I can find it somewhere I'll forward it to you.
ReplyDelete